MyTimeToBlog
I have a tattoo of Heath Ledger as the Joker on my forearm. His portrayal of a comic book villain was iconic. So much so, that he won posthumously an Oscar for his work on the big screen. To me, he evolved the role of acting as a bad guy. Think about who followed him, and what it took to take the Joker to the next level:
Joaquin Phoenix.
I watched this man become something so insane, that I never watched The Joker movie again. He freaked me out. It scared me. Why? I've seen someone like him before, up close and personal.
You see when I decided to start writing novels, I did a case study on what it took to become evil. This occurred when I worked on a novel I titled Madman. A story about a traumatized teen whose father didn't love him. He gained extraordinary powers and used them for nefarious means. Even with godlike abilities, he was flawed, and through the trilogy, I explored why, and how to correct them. In the end, he decided to remain a bad guy.
As I explored what occurred to someone becoming a bad guy, I met a man who scared me. He was a serial killer who drugged and murdered those who entered his home. I initially didn't know any of this, but word reached my ears when he said, "Hi Tut." The way he did that reminded me of Anthony Hopkins's role in Silence of the Lamb. I didn't know this man, so I asked who he was, and that was when the veil came down on him.
Now I'll be real, I watched numerous thrillers on TV and the big screen. Those portrayals were exceptional but fake. I'm in a housing unit with the man that actors possibly read up on, or spoke with about what led him to prison. So when I began my exploration into who this man was, I had to get close to him.
Look, I'm a tough guy, but I'm not what he was: a monster. He smiled at you in a way that made you think he wanted to eat you. Nobody truly socialized with him. He was isolated in a housing unit of sixty or so men. He slithered around the unit, eyes like serpents, waiting to hypnotize you...but I sat with him one day and chopped it up.
We talked about his life in prison. Instantly, he didn't come off with regret for his crimes. It was more so that he grew tired of being in prison. As the conversation continued, mid-sentence, he turned to stare at this young kid at the kiosk. The femininity that he didn't hide came out all the more as he eyed the kid. I just sat there, wondering why the hell I entertained this lunatic. My book. My understanding is how one becomes dark.
I did the sit-downs a couple more times--but I spread them out over a month. When you talk to someone who truly is broken, it weighs on you. I looked at this man as the worst of the worst, and me, I'm the traumatized child who recognized that all I had to do was ask for help. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting in prison with a lunatic who wouldn't stop being what he was, even if released. That ate at me, so once I got what I needed, I ceased our interactions.
I'm a writer, it's my passion. Sometimes it leads me to do something crazy as what I shared, but when you want to be the best at your craft, doors must be opened.
Heath Ledger did a great job acting out a role. So did Mr. Phoenix. I looked at what they did as an amazing job, but when I watched the portrayal of a character, I wondered how far they dived into the darkness.
I have seen it firsthand, and honestly, it scared me. That's why when I get upset, angry, or lost, my guiding light is my faith, my mentors, therapist, family, and friends. I can't fall back into the pool of darkness and think swimming in it, I won't get wet. Life isn't like that, that's why I always remember that man I met. He succumbed to his inner monster. I didn't, and never will again.
What made me wonder was what really made him tick. Did he commit those acts out of desire, insanity or did he crave it? Maybe that was all. Sometimes we wear the mask and become the person of many faces and get lost in who we really are, or it's the opposite because this man had a status in society, so you would never see him coming.
When you feel like the world is imploding on you, what do you do to deal with the problem in a positive way? Remember our biggest enemy is ourselves.