YOU THINK YOU ARE

In the 27 years of incarceration, I've been through more than my share of turmoil. Now I endured, survived, and grew through some intense situations in prison. The keyword, prison. I've managed to make a life for myself on the inside, but out in society, not yet.

Recently, I've been afforded a platform to share my life, uncut, unfiltered, the real, if you will. This is something I wanted for a long time, but I assumed I was capable of handling myself.

You see, I'm not this angry Black man in chains and shackles. I'm someone who desires to show who I am today: a man of principle. The man who could walk free of this madness (mass incarceration) and become a productive citizen. That, and seeing the next Spider-Man movie in 2026, in an actual movie theatre. That's me, through and through, but when it comes to dealing with today's environment, I'm actually not ready.

Being incarcerated, I know prison. You ask me about life inside, I can be your encyclopedia. That's how much time I've done, sadly. Now, as I have, I'm assuming because I made this monumental change in my life for the better, inside, I'm thinking I can do it outside. Well, that's not the case.

You see, I was told to call this number. It was some kind of foundation that wanted to speak with me. I'm giddy about this notion because I get to share who I am with the world. So, I called and what happened was they desired to record our conversation. I didn't think anything about it as they asked me about an article I previously wrote. I opened up about what I wrote...then it turned to how the system was rehabilitating myself and my incarcerated peers. That froze me.

I'm being questioned on things I knew, but I wasn't expecting that. I had to get my head on straight and answer the questions, because I hurriedly opened this unexpected door. Now I'm seasoned with being asked tough questions, but I shouldn't have put myself in this position. Why? I didn't know this person, nor what this audio would be used for. This was why I got an aggressive encouragement phone call after the interview from a family member.

Being eager is one thing, but being reckless is another. I'm trying to show my best, not getting on a phone and berating the prison system I'm housed in. The aggressive encouragement helped me recognize that I can be used and left as cannon fodder, where those who did the interview would see me as an afterthought when I need help. This was why I'm not ready.

I didn't know how to say no. I want people to like me, but not at the cost of my freedom. That never crossed my mind until after the fact, and I needed to do that before having the interview. Yes, this was a costly lesson. One that I continued to ponder late into the night.

I spoke with more people who I trusted. They chewed me out multiple times, but also applauded me for taking responsibility from this learning moment. Usually, I would get upset and curse somebody out for not preparing me. Now, I'm sitting back and recognizing that I gotta slow things down and learn more about what I'm getting myself into.

I'm a grown man who lived in prison since the late 90s--it's the year 2025, and I never used a touchscreen cellphone. That, to me, is like something out of a Star Trek episode. So how am I supposed to know that society is all about coming up off the back of those incarcerated? Television, movies, and advice from a teenager who gets high on K-2? I'm a fish out of water, learning to be a surface breather the instant I breach the surface. That's not realistic.

So, I'm done running for the finish line. I'm going to crawl and take in the sights, because what I'm seeing now is people wanting views, likes and chatter about their platforms rather than assisting me with my plight. Crazy, but an article I wrote caused all of this to transpire.

Right now, I'm planning my next move and listening more as I mentally train myself to say no. All these opportunities that will come don't mean they're conducive to what I'm going to accomplish. Plus, this lesson will now be on the minds of others.

I made it through unscathed, but the price next time could have me losing my phone privileges and access to my email accounts. This is what could occur when the system I'm housed in feels I'm a threat, and they can shut me off from society with a click of a button. That's my life to them: a button being pushed. This is my reality, and learning that as I'm climbing my Everest, I won't screw myself over for a 10-minute sound bite.

Prison...it isn't the best, but it's my home until I step free of it. So, I won't sully my carpet with stains that can't be cleaned with a rag. I won't allow the wrong people into my world and let them screw me over for their goals and agendas. I'm learning world, and as I do, I won't let anything derail my chance at getting free. Nothing.

I hope you can see the core of this story and make sure you do the same. Life is moving too fast, and to be able to slow it down and see your goals, that's how you avoid mistakes--and make sure you have one of those people in your life with aggressive encouragement. So that you can hear them, and take those jewels and build up your life so it sparkles like the diamond that we all are.