THE HARDEST BATTLE IS VICTORY OVER SELF

On July 17th, the air quality in Virginia was so bad that Nottoway Correctional Center cancelled outside recreation for the entire day. Even so, I still had to march outside and attend my computer literacy class. Each step dragged me down, and the toxic air gave me a headache. One so bad that I stepped inside the Vocation building and sat down. The headache eventually subsided but I had to head back outside in an hour and a half.

When I finally retreated to my housing unit, I decided to remain inside the remainder of the day, escaping that choking air. Life continued in prison for me; my head was wrapped around the reality of year 28 of my incarceration closing in for me. Inside a cell, three decades. FXXK! I planted myself in a plastic chair in the dayroom, stationed before a fan.

The heat, my God, it's so hot. I'm sweating. I'm sticky. I'm miserable. The truth was I wanted to leave for a facility with air conditioners, but I'm in college. Me, in college. I always aspired to be more than my worst, but those opportunities never existed in the early stages of my incarceration. So instead of heading off to a better facility, I'm sweating in my day-to-day existence.

At times, I'm grateful for this facility, but that's when I'm mentoring the young men around me who listen — and I also get to facilitate a therapeutic program (Managing My Life). That right there was awesome.

When you're in a position to help others, you gotta be able to give your all. I'm doing just that--and I did listen to other motivational speakers, utilizing what they're sharing, like taking baby steps through life. This was what I shared with one of my students, and I'm also handing out books.

What you're thinking is what you're living. Books imbued the individual with the author's outlook on life, and being that most of them were formerly incarcerated, I tended to relay that these guys had a cheat code for us to get ahead of the masses around us. Some believe that bit of advice, the others...

When surrounded by chaos, it takes time to clearly see what's before you. Truly, this comes naturally for me now, but for those ill-equipped to open their eyes and look, life becomes hard. For example, an elder, whose past made him disliked, learned he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Nobody consoled him; they were only thinking selfishly: "I'm glad it's not me." When I think about this older man--even with a sordid past--I get emotional and think, what if that was me, and when I do, "What can I do to help?" This is our life, and a shared struggle was better than going at it alone.

I mentioned college, and that is why I'm with a group of men who wanted to become more than their worst. We even have healthy competition amongst ourselves: When you get the lowest grade, you gotta pay up something sweet, like cookies or cupcakes. It's fun, even when I received a 90% grade on a test I had to pay up on; my friends had 98% and 96% on their tests.

Knowledge has made me more than I could ever imagine, because when my family accepted advice from me, I smiled. It wasn't that long ago when I was considered a lost cause. All I discussed were drug deals that made me a few pennies, and trying to find a pen pal who'd come and visit me, and hopefully have a sexual encounter with me. That juvenile thinking kept my family seeing someone with a short shelf life--but 28 years in, life drastically changed for me, and I'm humbled by it all.

A quote came to me early on in my development: "I count any man braver that conquers his enemies, for the hardest battle is the victory over self." The great philosopher Aristotle said that, and as many times as I spoke on it, the value it holds in my heart has shown me why I'm so blessed to be here, still growing.

Even as growth is a possibility, my eyes wandered. The world of prison hasn't reshaped the men around me. I still heard the kids being lost in the mire of prison life, and the only book that they're interested in checking out was Go Viral (a magazine where female Instagram models showed off their assets).

One man, who had the revolving prison door mentality, stepped to me during lunch call. He wanted to ask why I didn't beat up those who got on my nerves. Shared this bit of advice: "If you can not maintain in this volatile environment, then there is no way possible you're going to do it in the free world." Sadly, he beat up someone and was removed from his unit after our chat. This was a constant reminder of why Aristotle's quote proved to be substantial in this world I'm constantly navigating.

Most times I'm anxious because violence and intimidation are always at the forefront of my life. I skirted many problems, but even as I did, it brings me into my thoughts: "Keep working on getting the hell out of here." I'm also taking a 5-second breath, exhaling the same, then it's back to work.

The only decision I ever chose was moving ahead. That's the reality of a developed mind heading into 28 years of confinement. As long as that is true for me, life continues to open new chapters for me. Remember what Aristotle said; it helped me and it can also help you.