MyTimeToBlog
When I first started making friends in prison, I did it on the premise of them having a life sentence. If you didn't have one, we didn't talk. I felt this way because I'm home forever, short timers were only visiting. Stupid, but being young and inexperienced in life, my choices were made out of fear of being alone.
The first friend I made was Ortega, a lifer who had anger issues. He constantly cursed out correction officers, and headed back and forth to segregation for acting out. We hit it off immediately, because I admired him for being outspoken on a dangerous facility (Wallen Ridge) that constantly harmed us.
As our relationship grew, Ortega became more and more volatile. We were working in the kitchen, where I was employed as a dishwasher and he as a line worker. Our days were filled with work, and interacting with our fellow incarcerated workers. Since we worked in a small enclosure, confrontations over minute things occurred frequently. One being in other people's business. That was where Ortega and Black Prince had their confrontation. Ortega accused Black Prince of something, and that didn't go over well, because a fight ensued--one where Ortega got the upper hand. It became so insane that when he bested Black Prince, Ortega patted him on his backside and asked for his Junie cakes (gay sex, even though Ortega wasn't gay). We laughed, and headed back to work, not knowing that Black Prince had begun formulating a plan to take Ortega and me out.
My bond with Ortega was well known, so Black Prince felt I would be a problem in his diabolical scheme. I didn't even have an inclination of what was being developed in that dark mind of his. He only shared his plan with my mentor's friend. Thankfully so, because my mentor had his friend convince Black Prince to back down on harming me. He did, but I still had no idea what could've been.
I learned later, after a heated conversation with my mentor, that his friend stopped my assassination. I also was chastised by my mentor for not listening to him on pulling away from Ortega. He explained that a man who only desired violence in prison had a short shelf life. I didn't care, and that's where my mentor lost his mind on me. He couldn't convince me to do as he desired, because not only was Ortega a lifer, but a New Yorker, and he introduced me to my fiancee.
I'm serving life in prison, and had a woman who visited with me weekly. I had love, and a walking buddy that had my back...until my mentor and I were locked down for the night.
We went back and forth on the subject at hand: Ortega. My mentor made one point after the next, making me understand that if I had such a good friend, why did he place me in situations that could lead to my demise? I didn't see it that way, only over my being young and not caring if I lived or died. I'm a lifer, so getting killed was early parole for me. Stupid, I know, but then, I couldn't see it until I watched Ortega snap out again.
When I watched Ortega become belligerent with another young guy in the day room, I started noticing more and more that I was hanging out with an angry man. But now that I had my blinders off, and seeing what I witnessed, our relationship collapsed.
Ortega approached me one day and asked why I was acting differently? I told him he nearly had me killed over our friendship. I became angry, yelling at him. My blood boiled, and back then, that was dangerous for those that I directed my rage at. Luckily my mentor made me promise not to harm him, or Black Prince. I chose to listen.
I stepped away from both those so-called men. I had to, because I had to start growing up...even though I still had knucklehead thoughts running rampant in my mind. It took a lot for me to learn about trusting someone with my friendship. That time, in my heydays, changed me, molded me into someone who understood about being a friend.
When I gave my friendship away so freely, I received problems after problems. None to the level of Ortega, but still, all were learning lessons on this life's journey. Now I'm understanding what a friend is, and how fortunate I am to have great ones in my corner. It took a lot of missteps, but I'm surrounded by great character, substance and those that seek to be more than their worst.
What about you, have you ever given your trust to someone and it hurt you in the end? If so, what do you do now in choosing to share your trust with someone?