CHANGE

I watched numerous men departing from Nottoway Correction Center due to transfers. This change has shifted everything in my life before. Like when Augusta Correction Center closed, and I was in limbo as to where I was going to end up? The stress came early and often, but after dealing with that nonsense, sadly, you get used to it. I'm not in control of my life, they are (The Department of Corrections). So, I just sat and waited for my time to get transferred.

As I had before, I'm watching men freak out. One guy, Elliott, has spent 20-plus years on Nottoway. This was his home, and now it was time to go. He tried speaking with those in authority for help, but they're not stopping what's already in motion. So, Elliott has to go, and for him, fear took hold.

Could you imagine living in one place for 20 years, then the next day you're being ordered to leave? This drove some men to literal tears. Especially when their comfort zone was being snatched away. They're now going somewhere new, and what they assumed as doing time would be forever changed.

Some of these men have never been anywhere but on Nottoway. They had never been on a phone line before, where an incarcerated man dictated who went first. Or dealt with shower lines ran by gangs. Or watched fights that kept them on lockdown all the time. Or seen drug addicts who stole from the weak. This would be some of their realities. Unfair, but this is prison.

I strolled the recreation yard, being bombarded by questions, because I spent decades on high-level facilities. They looked at my stature and assumed I'm a gladiator, battle-tested because of my time spent in prison. I gave them the truth: it'll be hard at times, but as long as you're being yourself, and vocal when wanting respect, they will be OK.

One guy, young and not affiliated with any gangs, asked me to come talk to him. I'm in his cell with his celly, and they're wanting me to answer something for them. I said, "Ask away." Well, they revealed that they would be transferring to a level 4 facility; we're on a level 3 facility. What they wanted to know was would they be able to handle what's to come? True fear held them as they waited for my response.

I'll be real, with the landscape of prison now, I diagnosed these two men in seconds. We've been housed with one another for a few months, and they joked, and acted like kids. Two men who ran away from problems, more so than stood their ground. I didn't want to lie to them, but I also wanted to bring them comfort. So instead of shattering their world, I did something better: I removed my photos from my locker and showed them my penitentiary connections.

You see, as someone who traveled from one prison to the next, I made bonds with some good men. These were the photos I showed them. I made them put their faces to memory, then shared that wherever they landed, mention my name.

My name carried weight (respect), the kind they needed to utilize because they weren't the aggressive type. They played soccer and watched The Big Bang Theory all day. These were the type of men you'd find sitting at home playing Call of Duty, only seeing virtual violence, instead of being a part of it.

The change that was coming frightened them. The unknown made them get antsy as they tried plastering a smile on their face. I felt like them the first time I entered the Department of Corrections. Even as I did, I swallowed my fears and kept my head held high...but sadly, those around me saw through my facade. Time back then was insane, but I found my way. I pray they would as well.

It's crazy that as I sit in my cell, I'm thinking about them making this trek. They'll be scared, but the power over their person was taken away the day they were found guilty. They would be subjected to many worrisome days, such as the ones that would continue until they're rehabilitated and shipped home. Until then, they'll be in this lunacy, afraid, scared, and learning more about who they were in those moments.

I know I'm capable of dealing with all this prison nonsense, but that's because 27 years of it made me the man I am today. My hope is that Elliott and those two boys pretending to be men would be OK. But life has a story for them to learn about, and it's on them to discover what that would be. Now as they did, I'm hoping growth, and understanding gives them the blueprint on learning that prison sucked and that they needed to get their heads on straight and go home. If not, a change is going to come, over and over...sadly, until they're freed.